All Sorts of Crazy Smarts for Kids

That’s it. Now nanowrimo is done for this year.

But don’t think I’m going to stop just yet. I can’t just leave my book ending on a cliff-hanger like that, so this is my last chapter of my second book.

After starting their race, Kryptl realized this wasn’t any ordinary race. Baron Freeze or Baron Blast or whatever we should call him wasn’t swerving around or circling buildings or spiralling up and down like us usually did, he was just going on straight. When they were around a mile away from going out of town, Baron Freeze swerved and went straight up at an insane speed.

Kryptl went about ten feet farther than Baron Blast/Freeze and then swerved up and quickly followed Baron Freeze/Blast. Kryptl was almost a mile behind so he quickly booted up the ultra blast rockets he had made last September. He zoomed after Baron Freeze, going at about 100 miles per minute, and wondered where they were going. Baron Freeze mumbled something and then laughed a little bit. Kryptl realized there was only one place in the universe that Baron Freeze would mumble and laugh about.

Kryptl jerked to a stop and wondered if he should follow Baron Freeze or turn back. If figured if he were to follow then something terrible would happen, and if he went back home, then his dad would have him grounded for a year. Krypto blasted after Baron Freeze/Blast at a frightening speed. Then it started to come into view: the world of gloom.

There was a small town near the equator of the World of Gloom. It was near the equator because that’s the only place where it goes above 20 degrees farenheight. There was also the frozen ruins of a city up near the North Pole and there was a burnt yet cold city directly on the equator. I said “city,” even though it’s more like a small village because everything else is even smaller, and only two hundred people lived on this planet, so that small village was like a big city compared to everything else.

Kryptl new that the second he was in the gravitational field of this planet, terrible yet amazing things would start happenning. Kryptl entered the gravitational field and immediately fell off his pod. It was more than ten hundred feet to the ground and he would have been killed if he hadn’t grabbed onto the handlebars of his pod at the last minute. He was fluttering along behind his pod, and he immediately thought of superman, who happened to still be named superman in this future time, because his pod was like superman and he was like superman’s cape at the speed they were going.

At the speed they were going, the insane windspeeds were whipping Kryptl around in circles and making his pod do figure eights in midair. He managed to get back on and the second he was back on his seat a mean looking space salamander came out of a dimensional warp that space salamanders use as caves, more on that next year.

A space salamander is a lot like a Martian that’s white with gil-style fin crests on its elbows and knees and along the back of its back. A gill-style fin crest is like a wide, hollow shark’s fin with more shark’s fins packed inside of it so it will bend as a joint. It has two almond-shaped red eyeballs with tiny black pupils in the normal places and then four more eyeballs kind of stacked on top of the others. It has a tail that is very long, and also has two horns that start to curl up and back like ram’s horns but then go back over its shoulders and come up next to its legs.

With all six eyes staring at Kryptl, it leaned back and snarled and looked a lot like a white gill-crested, six-eyed King Kong with a really long white tail. Kryptl took that chance and zoomed out of its way. The space salamander leaped out of its cave and fell all the way down to the World of Gloom. Because it was a space salamander and could deal with the vacuum of space, it was not harmed very much, though this was mostly due to its size, because actually all creatures in this time can deal with the vacuum of space without a space suit.

You may wonder why the World of Gloom is called the World of Gloom even though it’s a very nice place to live- it has nice cities, nice people- it’s called the World of Gloom because the world has no sun, except a small, barely shining white drawf they orbit around 60 trillion miles away.

Kryptl knew that once he was down on the surface he would have to get to a city as fast as he could or else all the large evil creatures and the evil warlords that live in caves underground on this planet would come out and try to kill him. A hunchback space wocky jumped out of a cave and snarled at him.

A hunchback space wocky is, well, a hunchback that is orange and has flame leaking out of its nostrils and mouth. It also has two natural funnels coming out of its shoulders where it can blast fire out- a natural blast pack. Space wockies are the fastest creatures that travel in space without a spaceship or a space pod.

Then, something very strange happened.

The hunchback space wocky jumped back and whimpered and ran away as fast as it could, using its natural jet pack to help him go faster. Kryptl turned around to see what the wocky was jumping away from, and then he saw it. It was a giant space predator. It’s not any specific kind of predator; it’s just a predator.

It’s about 50 feet tall, and it’s a sub-species of flame demon. It has very good jumping legs and can jump nearly 155 meters in one leap. It’s arms burst into flame, and it leaped after Kryptl started to speed away in his pod. As mentioned earlier, Kryptl’s pod is insanely fast, so he got away from the predator easily. The predator got discouraged and leaped into its cave in the side of the mountain. Kryptl raced as fast as he could in his pod toward the closest city. He was speeding along and millions of billions of space wockies came out of the ground, but Kryptl sped over their heads before they could get into a standing position.

Kryptl went up higher in his air pod and was five inches away from a city when he fell off his pod. He leaped for his pod and barely got up onto it. He landed in a very unsafe way and went to ask the nearest villager if he had seen Baron Freeze/Baron Blast. The villager pointed directly down and Kryptl got out his space drill he had made a few months earlier and attached it to the front of his pod. He pulled up his pod and then dove down into the ground and 100 million miles per minute (the average speed for air pods in the area). He fell into a huge room and Baron Freeze/Baron blast explained he had won.

Kryptl got so bored that he was forced to blast his way back through his tunnel. He blasted upward at top speed for most air pods—but it wasn’t top speed for his, of course—but another space salamander jumped out of a warp, and Krystal realized he had to go faster. He went to top speed on his pod, which is one billion light years per second, and zoomed away until he was back at Aerotropolis.

He sat down and meddled with some of his recent creations and then took his anti-gravity boost back and hovered down under his house to modify the hydro-lift that kept his house in the air, along with other houses on his block. A hydro-lift is an old-fashioned jet booster that sprays water in a mist at incredible speeds and also spurts out water vapor under it, and the extreme jet propulsion keeps it up in the air. First Kryptl modified the side boosters so they would swivel around and he could move his house around the block. Then he modified the center booster so he could make his house go up, down or swivel diagonally.  He also added security guns. They’re not harmful guns; they are just Professor Frankenstein’s version 3.0 anti-gravity rays, except meddled around with and modified by Kryptl.

He tested it out on his testing dummy. He set his dummy up with a broken boost pack that had been through a lot of wear flying through the air at fast speeds, and hanging onto Kryptl’s dummy. The dummy was hovering in front of Kryptl’s front door with a makeshift ray gun that Kryptl had fashioned. The dummy reached for the handle, or that is how it seemed even though it was just propulsion jets holding up his arm. The minute the dummy touched the door, one of the anti-gravity rays extended from the bottom of Kryptl’s house and zapped the dummy. The dummy flew straight up, then sideways, then diagonally down again, doing a few loop-d-loops and then went straight down and fell into the water in the Mid-eastern oceans of Solariun.

Kryptl went inside, meddled a little more with his inventions. Then, he sat down on his couch and turned on the TV for some Saturday morning cartoons. Little did he know that the small electronic signal coming to and from his TV and going to and from the satellite orbitting Solariun again and again could change the history of the other universes in his quantum sector.

Baron Freeze couldn’t believe it.

He felt like he was five years old. He had been asked by his son to come and watch over his grandson. He was going to spend the holiday going on with his devious scheme, little did he know, this wasn’t a coincidence. His son had been called by Professor Frankinsteen and what Professor Frankinsteen said is following:

“I need you to ask your father to come over and babysit your son. There is an amazing show going on five parsecs away from the Brotherhood of Baron’s community building.”

That got Baron Freeze’s son out of the door. Baron Freeze, or Baron Blast, was forced to go over to babysit. Baron Freeze immediately said “what?” in an extremely surprised way after his son finished explaining where he was going. Baron Freeze reluctantly said he would babysit, but first explained to his son that he needed him to explain to his grandson that when Baron Freeze was visiting Dimension X he was trapped in a reality quake.

After Baron Freeze’s son was told to expect a four-armed Martian named Baron Blast he left, leaving Baron Freeze’s grandson alone for five minutes. “Nothing can happen in just five minutes,” thought Baron Freeze’s son. He was very wrong.

Baron Freeze’s grandson was fourteen years old and an absolute technicological wiz. His name was Kryptl, which means techno in Baron Freeze’s native language. Kryptl had been working on something in his bedroom when he heard about Baron Freeze’s ordeal in Dimension X. Knowing many amazing heroes, Kryptl wanted to become a cyber-hero when he grew up.

His best friend, Chorptex, had a relative that used to be an ultrahero. Trizox, Chorptex’s older brother had once been a cyber-hero in the jumble land of Tridox. Anyway, enough about that.

Because he was such a techno-wiz, Kryptl quickly put together a ray that should zap Baron Freeze back to normal and started working quickly on his project because he knew that if his father were here, he would make him stop working immediately when Baron Freeze came in to be polite.

Kryptl ran as fast as he could to his little airpod and flew across from his building of aerotropolis, the floating city of Solariun, over to his best friend’s house. He quickly bargained with Chorptex and got a few parts for his ray. He zoomed back as fast as he could because he had now wasted two and a half minutes, half of the time he had. He pushed his pet wifit back, a wifit is similar to a woffit, but is blue and it’s bigger and it bites.

The wiffit bit him and reluctantly wiggled its way back to its cage. Three minutes were now gone. He quickly slammed the parts onto his machine and drilled them in as fast as he could. He opened the hatch and slammed in the battery and pulled back the spring trigger and let go and a beam of swirling white light engulfed his universal wii station system. Mario and Luigi had become so popular on earth that nintendo had adapted and gone into galactic promotions, sending wii systems all over the universe.

Mario and Luigi were not called Mario and Luigi anymore, and did not look like Mario and Luigi anymore but you could still see a hint of Mario and Luigi in them. Cortillis and Flanejour were the new and improved futuristic Mario and Luigi. They both wore fly packs and had the new and improved robo gauntlets on them that had been invented five years earlier. They were both wearing capes, only Flanejour’s was smaller and green, not long and navy blue as in Cortillis. Cortillis had the same old Mario hat except it had a C on it instead of an M. He was wearing Mario overalls in reverse: red overalls with a blue shirt under them.

Flanejour was wearing the same costume except Luigi style- reverse Luigi costume. The new Jossore was Bowser reversed, and Princess Gorch was Princess Peach reversed- and so on and so on. In all sorts of different ways they were all dressed the opposite of their earlier counterparts and they were all wearing technogauntlets and capes. Only some of them were wearing rocket packs like Cortillis and Flanejour.

The swirling white light died down, and standing in front of his system were all of these characters, and Cortillis was rocketing around Jossore. There were thirty seconds left in the five minutes, but that was still plenty of time for Kryptl to get all but four people that were too large to get back in, back into his gaming system.

Jossore, King Shrostan, (the big Octopus guy), and Cortillis and Flanejour were out of the system, and a littler version of Jossore also managed to push his way out of the gaming system. This was Jossore Jr. , the future reincarnation of a Bowser Jr.. They were all quarrelling in a strange manner, King Shrostan kept engulfing Flanejour and then picking him up and throwing him at the wall, and Jossore Jr. kept pulling up a bandana up over his mouth, but everytime he would do so, it would fall back down. Jossore was making wild leaps at Cortillis, and missing every time. Every once in a while Jossore’s tail would light on fire and he would bellow and breathe fire out at Cortillis.

Kryptl used his gravity ray on all five of them, sending them flying out the window towards Gamer World which is where all failed experiments with live animals that were similar to the creatures in the Cortillis games all were sent to live their lives without anymore experiments. Kryptl managed to mutter, “that was a close one” and turned off his system with three seconds to lose as Baron Blast/Baron Freeze jogged briskly across the door platform that led to the front door of Kryptl’s house.

Kryptl groaned and ran up to his room to wait for Baron Freeze/Baron Blast to ask him to race on airpods. That is exactly what Baron Blast/Freeze did, except now he added a new airpod with two sets of handlebars.

Baron Freeze was very confused. He had just had a dream in which he was on a world and reality quakes never stopped on that world, and so everyone on the sidewalk was walking and slithering and jumping and skitterring almost all at the same time, and he was just standing there in the middle of the road all confused and changing from a bug to a bigger bug to a bigger bug to a bigger bug to a little bug to a bigger bug to a bigger bug to a littler bug to a big bug again until finally he turned into a gummy bear and someone took a bite out of his arm and then he turned into plain old Baron Freeze for five minutes, then he turned into a coke can for five minutes, then he turned into a straw for ten minutes until he got so muddled up he woke up.

He scratched his head with two arms, leaving the other two down. Baron Freeze grabbed four of his best ray guns and went to the brotherhood of baron’s building to rename his membership from Baron Freeze to Baron four-armed Martian, but then he changed his mind and decided on Baron Blast and thought he’d try to live up to the name. He explained to the membership keeper that he’d been in a  reality quake on a trip to dimension X and he needed to renew his membership.

Now Baron Blast, he went back to his laboratory and made a suit that would fit his new name. He took out what was a popular Martian suit at the time that Earth was in an era called by Earthians “the gay nineties” and modified it so it had four sleeves. He added LED lights spiraling around the upper two arms and LED lights in long strings going straight down the lower two arms. He added shin guards with pointy knee-cover things and wore tall yellow boots under the shin guards.

He made two straps with LED lights running around them and strapped them in an X formation on one leg and did the same thing with two other straps on his other leg. Back boosters were also popular in that time, and he added one. A back booster is a Martian rocket pack- Martians still used rocket packs at that time because they were one of the not as civilized civilizations that included Jovians and Earthlings. The back booster has wings that fold into a batwing kind of shape and by nudging your shoulders you can make them go into different positions to turn and loop in circles.

Baron Freeze took off the back booster and installed two raygun barrels and energizers to the wings. He also added booster rockets to the spines of the wings. He went outside and tested it out and it worked very well. He attached it to a small flying control belt so he could grab onto the little handles on his belt and control it that way which would be much easier than nudging his shoulders in weird positions.

He made two large blue straps and looped one end of each strap through his belt loops and pulled them up over his shoulders so they formed a blue X across his back and chest. He added grav-orbs. Grav-orbs are small glowing blue or white balls that float over the shoulders of a costume. Baron Freeze added six white grav-orbs to each of his shoulders and then flew off with a ray gun in each of his four pockets.

He still had some shoulder nudging involved, and he quickly nudged his shoulders up and down and his wings flapped back down towards his waist very quickly and got him going faster. He went back to the brotherhood of Baron’s building to show his costume in the annual redesigning show. Most of the Barons, and I say most of the Barons because Baron Freeze almost never did it, would come there every year with a new costume.

Baron Stupid was dressed up as a question mark and was also scratching his head because he didn’t know why he was doing this. Baron Small was dressed up as a mouse. Baron Sol was dressed up as a flaming fire scorpion, complete with a tail. Baron Air flew in on a rocket pack similar to Baron Freeze’s, but the wings were upside down to Baron Freeze’s and flapped like a birds rather than side to side like Baron Blasts did to speed him up.

Baron Warhead came out in a small tank. He leaped out wearing a mining helmet and carrying a giant ray machine gun strapped to his right arm and a finger blaster on each of the fingers on his left hand plus a wrist blaster on his left wrist. He was wearing a camoflage costume with a picture of a nuclear space warhead on it.

The Brotherhood of Barons has too many brothers for me to mention, and I can’t mention all of them so I’ll just skip ahead to Baron Blast’s turn. Baron Freeze’s new Baron Blast costume was admired by everyone and won first place, mostly because Baron BLast kept saying, “note the grav-orbs” and everyone was definitely loving it, especially because he would press a button and the grav-orbs would go up and down quickly and flash in all different colors before returning to white and their original position.

He demonstrated the power of his weapons as follows:

First, he pressed a button on his wrist and a gun popped out of the top of his sleeve on each arm. “Pfff Pfff PFff. Pfff.”

The guns released a bit of steam, making that “Pfff” noise coming out of his sleeve. THat was just for show. Then he took all four arms and aimed them up at the ceiling, jerked them back quickly and then threw them forward fast again and they blasted at the ceiling together in a diagonal way so they merged in a spiraling blast beam that incenerated the ceiling and caused three Barons that were upstairs to fall down on Baron Stupid.

Baron Stupid thought they were confetti and tossed them up in the air. One of the Barons, Baron Smart Alec (his name says it all) said, “no wonder he’s called Baron Stupid. He must be all skull and no brain at all.” Baron Stupid said, “Thank-you, I always knew I was smart” and took off trying to lick his nose.

Baron Blast demonstrated some other ones. He stomped on the floor and flew up into the air, then jerked his shoulders quickly and his blast guns did the same thing the wrist guns had done to the ceiling, to the wall. Everyone was amazed as he showed them all sorts of different weapons like miniature nuclear warheads and bitty cherry bombs that would explode the moment they were exposed to oxygen.

He went back home to his laboratory confidently and fell asleep fast, dreaming of what would happen tomorrow on Solariun’s most celebrated holiday.

After meddling around for a while with his new and improved creatures, Baron Freeze went off to his new special office and laboratory. He dressed up differently and on the door of his laboratory and office it said, “Professor Freeze, inventions made to order.”

Inside, Professor Freeze was working on something new. He put the ultimate living formula into what was left of the universe-destroying formula. It immediately shot up into an oozing column. The slimy molten thing slithered out and small arms shot out from its shoulders, melted and grew to a great size until they were big huge molten, muscular, universe-destroying arms.

It froze into universe-destroying rock and clomped across the floor then blasted out the window, sending Baron Freeze blasting across the floor. Baron Freeze quickly put on his rocket boots and followed the creature as fast as he could. He whistled for his ultra creature and it came. His ultra creature is the thing that helped him gather the ingredients for his universe-destroying formula. He added the rocket boots to its power and they blasted along at very fast speeds.

It took them a long time to catch up with the universe-destroying creature, and it had already touched a few dimensions so now there were a few dimensions less in the universe. He was speeding outward as fast as he could after the universe-destroying creature, which was speeding outward towards the edge of the universe. By pure luck, it went through the open zipper hole made by Baron Small earlier. Baron Stupid came out of the hole and told them he had just ordered a pizza, and here it was. He was holding a deflated rubber ball with a pin stuck through it.

He asked them to try a bite of his snozzy pizza with frigs, green peppers, onions, purple peppers and space pepperoni. The Black Hole parts of the ultra-beast sucked it up and Barron Stupid said, “Hey! I paid negative two dollars for that!!”

“Sorry, we’ll pay you back,” said Baron Freeze as he blasted through the zipper hole after the universe-destroying beast. They blasted in between universes, passing through some universes, and therefore destroying them, but before they were destroyed, Baron Freeze could catch quick gulps of air so he wouldn’t die out there between the edges of the universes. Then it happened.

The ultra beast hit the edge of the universe and Baron Freeze fell off. The ultra beast quickly sped after him and shed some diamonds to create a special space helmet with infinite air supply to it for Baron Freeze. Baron Freeze kept falling and falling until he finally fell on top of a large black universe. It was completely shapeless, like our universe. He thought this must be the legendary universe X and used his special diamond spike on the top of his space helmet to tear his way in.

He fell into a giant pile of green macaroni. After sloshing out of the pool of macaroni he jumped as fast as he could across the spongy ground. He saw a whole bunch of buildings ahead of him, but when he tried to open the door of one he turned upside down and it flung him across the ground. The ground suddenly got hard and Baron Freeze was lucky enough to land in a giant pile of spongy fungus.

He got off and bounced across the now spongy again ground. He leaped up into the air and into one of the buildings without touching it so he wouldn’t make it turn upside down. INside he saw a great hall with no doors. He ran as fast as he could to the end of the hall and then walked through the ceiling.

“This place is weird,” Baron Freeze said to himself, “but I have to keep going.” Then suddenly there was a reality quake, which happens in a few dimensions.

In reality quakes, instead of the ground shifting, reality itself shifts, where there are no tectonic plates on this planet, they had to have some other kind of quake. Baron Freeze shrank as he sped through the floor, then through the wall, then through the ceiling again and remembered from his reading that sometimes victims of reality quakes suffer permanent damage, which means they suffer permanently being something they weren’t born as.

After scuttling across the floor for five feet, or what could have been five miles, who knows because the castle was growing and shrinking with him, he realized that the most frequent victims of reality quakes are the ones that turn into bugs. He was very relieved when he suddenly turned into a 100-armed octopus thing. His ultra beast finally found him, but its wings had shrunk so it could barely hold itself up and it was made of green kriptonite and had superman’s head, which was really confusing, because then wouldn’t it get really weak?

It started going backward and forward at the same time, which doesn’t make any sense of course, but that’s what happened. Baron Freeze turned back into a humanoid creature but he looked more like a Martian with four arms than Baron Freeze. Then the reality quake stopped, but Baron Freeze remained  the same, including his four arms and his ultra beast had turned into a giant spring made out of diamonds and green goo stuff with the ultra beast’s normal head, except upside-down floating in the middle.

They left the castle and Baron Freeze, or should we call him four armed Martian? I don’t know. AFter examining the castle quite a bit, Baron Four-Armed Martian came up with a solution. The castle give off radiations on the inside that cause the victims of reality quakes inside to remain permanently damaged.

Then a giant, with three arms and twenty-two legs that was hopping on his head, and had suction cups on his nose, accidentally kicked Baron Freeeze and the Ultra Beast with his eyebrows and they went flying back out the tear Baron Freeze had made. Baron Freeze was luckily still wearing his diamond space helmet, so he was safe until he got back to his own universe.

He saw the universe-destroying creature and sprayed it with a squirt gun full of death-giving formula. Luckily, none of the formula accidentally got on the ultra beast even if Baron Freeze, or Baron Four-Armed Martian didn’t really know for sure if it would still affect the ultra beast.

Baron Freeze called the Time Traveler on the phone and told him in his best Baron Freeze voice that he needed an antidote to turn the ultra beast back into an ultra beast, because it had accidentally escaped into dimension X during a reality quake and the effects had been permanent.

The Time Traveler said he’d think about it and asked Professor Frankinsteen to try and make an antidote. It was almost night, so the Time Traveler went to bed and Professor Frankinsteen put his robot on “specially working mode” and attached the special lunar panels he had made for working at night. Little did he know, the robot had been programmed by Baron Freeze himself, when Baron Freeze was actually Baron Freeze, not Baron Four-Armed Martian to always come up with the right antidote, so Baron Freeze was sure he’d be Baron Freeze and not Baron Four-Armed Martian by tomorrow.

It took a little while for the serum to develop in the air so it was going to be a while before the universe started getting destroyed.

Barron Freeze went back to the Time Traveler’s building to tell him all the “good deeds” he did. When he got there, a short little guy with makeup and a red clown nose opened the door and said, “Who be you?” in a funny, nasal, high pitched voice.

“Who be you?” Barron Freeze responded, in a rather stern voice.

“Me be Stumpy.”

“Where did you come from?” Barron Freeze demanded.

“Australia,” except it sounded like “Aufwailya” when he said it.

“Where’s Aufwailya?”

“In the North Pole,” Stumpy answered, except it sounded like “In the Nothe Pole.”

“Never mind about where you come from,” Baron Freeze said, “Where’s the Time Traveler?”

“Cousin be buying pizza,” except it sounded like “cousin be buying beeza.”

“Where is he buying pizza?” asked Baron Freeze.

“In the Nothe Pole” answered Stumpy.

“Forget about it. May I come in?” asked Baron Freeze.

“Foitantly.” Answered Stumpy the clown. Baron Freeze made a wild guess that that was supposed to mean “Certainly,” and followed him inside the Time Traveler’s presidential suite in the Ruby Hotel.

Stumpy went into a small room and ran around in circles while Baron Freeze investigated the Time Traveler’s laboratory. He picked up a vial of fleshy substance and then the vial grew arms and pushed him backwards. He thought it must be a new and improved life-giving formula. He went sprawling backwards into the anti-gravitational swimming tube, mentioned much earlier in the story.

The anti-gravitational current was going straight down very fast, and he didn’t have to hold his breath very long before he shot out and fell down into the non-gravitational drip-catcher bowl. It slowly elevated him down to the ground when Baron Freeze hit it he quickly climbed back out, switched the anti-gravitational current and blasted himself out so he could steal the new and improved life-giving formula.

On his way up he reached into someone else’s suite and grabbed the cage of their alien wofffit, leaving the wofffit behind. Baron Freeze shot upward with the cage, leaped out into the presidential suite and used the cage to make a swipe at the living vial, which quickly dove away but he still caught it with the wofffit’s cage.

Baron Freeze peered out of the laboratory and saw the Time Traveler appearing, wearing a parka with snow resting on his shoulders. He was also carrying a pizza. Baron Freeze thought, “maybe he really did buy pizza at the North Pole.” He quickly switched the gravitational current and shot down as fast as possible. He shot down so fast he went straight through the drip-catching bowl and started spinning and drilling in the ground until the dirt was soft enough to dig through. He let the living serum out and it was so desperate to be free it started digging as fast as it could which was about the same speed as a race car and Baron Freeze was out of the Ruby Hotel and in his own mansion in no time.

He put the living serum in a big box with holes punched in it and poured it on some of his experiements. THey came alive and he gave them different names, like Zraggle, which means “the noble one” in Baron Freeze’s native language, because it looked very much like a penguin wearing a tuxedo, which of course looked very dapper because a penguin normally looks like it’s wearing a tuxedo.

Another one was Fluxiz, which in Baron Freeze’s native language means “the not so noble one” because this one was pretty much just a giant slime ball that looked like it was wearing a crooked bowtie and broken glasses. Another one was “two-headed snake,” which in Baron Freeze’s native language means, “two-headed snake.” This creature was a yellow and black striped snake with two different colored heads.

Another one was named Flickisss, which means “door knob” in Baron Freeze’s native language because, well, A) it was shaped like a door knob and B) it wouldn’t move away from Flizzle, which in Baron Freeze’s native language means “door,” and it looked like a door too.

He sent one of them to tackle one of the most powerful creatures he had made with his old living serum, and the one he had selected to fight the one with the old serum was Fligigg, which means “Fligigg” in his native language, he just thought it would be okay to name something a name that had no meaning at all.

Fligigg looked a lot like Baron Freeze except with wings instead of arms and really big feet. He was even wearing Baron Freeze’s hood and parka. It walked over to the old living serum creatured, flicked it, and the old living serum creature fell down because it was knocked out. Baron Freeze also fell down because he was so amazed. His creatures put him in a bed and he rested for a month thinking about what he could do with these.

Meanwhile, something very strange was happening. In the dimensions on the edge of the universe, the walls of the universe were melting and dripping, and the drops were contracting into nothingness so the universe was getting smaller and smaller and smaller and starting to collapse on itself. There was only one dimension far enough out to know about this, and that was split tree dimension, but was old Master Zonn going to tell anyone about it? No because he knew what was happening, was part of the space yacht ceremony, and was grinning, waiting for the universe to destroy itself.

He took out an old deck chair, propped it up outside his door and leaned back and waited for the show to begin.

AFter climbing back through the hole in the bed and pushing Barron Stupid off of his bed, Barron Small climbed out and waited six hours. Then, Barron Small ran as fast as he could through the space yacht, unzipped the universe door and used his teeny weeny rocket boot to blast himself up to the pink pyramid shaped universe. He went to the inside of the square planet and retrieved the giant green jewel. Then he took a bucket of green giant drool with him.

He went back to his universe, back into the space yacht, pushed Barron Stupid off of Barron Freeze’s bed and went back to his own bed inside his bed and into his little hut between the springs. Inside he poured the bucket of giant drool onto the jewel and the jewel turned into a liquid. He stirred the liquid with a teeny weeny bit of universe destroying formula. He went out and took his space yacht to the darkest place in the universe and drank the liquid in the bucket.

It tasted like a cheese and bologna sandwich seasoned with chocolate and olives. He wanted to spit it out but he forced himself to swallow it. Then he dove out the edge to test his theory.

The second he touched the white drawf below him it completely exploded. He picked up a chunk of it and it exploded into sand. He touched it again and the sand molecules exploded and turned into clay. He brought it up, mixed it with his original formula and drank it. He said, “Mmmmbrmmmmbrmmrgblech”. He forced himself to swallow it without spitting it out because now it tasted like a peanut butter and bolonga and hot sauce sandwich seasoned with crushed apples mixed with crushed olives mixed with crushed dark chocolate.

He went down to a planet that was completely gray and then a whole bunch of elephants starting floating past him toward the planet. He came down closer and saw the planet was very bumpy and had a bunch of trunk-like tress sticking out. Then he came down closer and saw that they were all space elephants- it wasn’t really a planet so much as a ball of space elephants. The space elephants stampeded and chased him all the way back to the space yacht until he got onto the space yacht. Then the elephants ran around and around and around all the space yachts and went faster and faster until they were just a blurry ring of space elephants swirling around.

They were also spinning in the other direction which made them just like a gyroscope. They were also just like an elephant force field around the space yacht. Even Barron Stupid realized what was happening: they were trapped. They were swirling around and around and ended up in the center of the universe. The center of the universe looked pretty much the same, so they thought the time was right. They used their space yachts to blast through the elephants and poured all of the universe destroying formula outside.

It bubbled and swirled, blasted in all directions, then swirled and collasped in on itself. Some of the leftover mist slightly drifted toward solariun, which is close to the center of the universe. It smelled like chocolate and a chocolate factory had newly opened in Pole city, so everyone thought that’s what it was, but Professor Frankinsteen realized what it really was.

Frankinsteen got all excited and went and tried to tell the Time Traveler, but all that came out was, “ABABABA BhUhH, destroying the universe, Abababuuh bhuhbbu baba” The Time Traveler gave him a brain rest pill and sent him up to the relaxation room and went off to do business. He had no idea what the danger was.

While Baron Freeze and all the other villains were dancing on their disco floor, most of their evil pets and robots started dancing, too. And then their evil pets and robots started throwing them up in the air and slamming them down on the ground and all sorts of crazy pet moves. One of the villains went through the floor and had to climb back up the side of the Space Yachts. They took out their floating space cots and equipped them with all sorts of things to make them fall asleep faster. Baron Freeze was given a huge waterbed for coming up with such an ingenious plan. The others had large king-sized beds with lots of pillows and a pendulum in front of them to help them fall asleep faster. They all pressed buttons inside their Space Yachts and they all turned into a large Space Hotel at the edge of the universe. But when everyone else was asleep, one sly sneaky member of the Brotherhood of Barons, Baron Small, slunk out across his Space Yacht until he was inside. He pulled a small gadget out and ran across the disco floor until he got to the Edge of the Universe. His weapon appeared to be some kind of drill. He stuck it in the wall at the Edge of the Universe and turned it on. He leaped out the hole it made. He pulled a zipper off his coat and zipped up the Edge of the Universe.

As most people know, the Universe is a roundish but mostly shapeless blob of dark gray matter. Other universes are other colors and other shapes. Baron Small took off his boots, revealing small rockets, and he blasted himself to a pink pyramid-shaped universe that could fit a few of our universes inside of it. He used his drill thing to drill his way into there, and used his rockets to blast through the deep pink space until he came to a cube-shaped planet. As soon as he touched it, he lost his balance and fell down. He stood up and tried to walk across to a large jewel in the middle, but he lost his balance and fell down again. He pulled his way across the floor until he was five inches from the jewel. He stood up and leaped as far as he could, which isn’t very far, of course, because he is Baron Small, and was still about five inches away from the jewel. He scowled and leaped up in the air about a half centimeter and used his rockets to blast himself inside the jewel.

Inside the jewel was amazing, but he didn’t have much time to look at it because the jewel started to drill a hole into a large circular room inside the planet. Because it was so spherical, there was no floor. It was just a like being inside a big round ball, with a square outside. Inside was the most amazing sight he had ever seen. There were jewels covering every square inch of the room. He crashed his way through the jewel he was inside and pulled as hard as he could on a beautiful green jewel in the middle. It wouldn’t budge. His drill would budge anything, and he tried it and asked it how long it would take. The drill said it would take approximately five weeks. He left it there. He rocketed himself to the hole he had made in the pyramid-shaped universe. He flew through it and out across to our Universe. He unzipped it, went through the hole, zipped it back up and got back in bed right as everyone else was waking up.

Everyone asked why he was looking so gloomy, but he didn’t answer. He just sat on his bed for hours on end. Then, he jumped on his bed. He jumped on the bottom of his bed, and he jumped on the side of his bed, and he jumped on the headboard of his bed. He jumped on just about every part of the bed you can imagine. This was because he was very small, so the gravitational pull of his bed was stong enough to keep him on it. He waited for four weeks and was one day away from being five weeks when Baron Stupid came over and forgot which bed was his. He sat on Baron Small, which caused Baron Small to go through the bed and end up on the bottom. Baron Small then remarked, “I hate waiting.”

Barron Freeze sat down in a large grand chair and thought desperately about what the other ingredients to the formula could be- and then he came up with a last resort idea: to look in the years and years old ashes of his father’s laboratory fire place.

He used the chunk of emerald from the Time Travelers staff to zap himself there immediately, but ended up standing in a pile of rubble where his father’s laboratory used to be, by that time his father’s laboratory had decomposed and fallen down- he didn’t go through time, he went through space.

Then he got another idea. He decided to go back in time and take the formula book from himself. He went back and used his powers to wipe away his memory of this happening after he took the formula book from himself, which of course meant that adult Barron Freeze was standing there wondering why he had the formula book in his hand. He hadn’t wiped away his memory of collecting the ingredients, so he came up with a rough idea of why he had the book.

He zapped himself back to his laboratory and remembered completely. He looked up the other ingredients. There were five more things he had to get. He brought the stringy lump of hot but icy material he had put in the cage earlier back to life and flew away on his creature, back to the dimension gloom, to get something else. He went to the place where he had set down Mount Gloom, that his castle used to be upon, drilled straight down into where his old caverns were, drilled straight through the wall of that cavern and took five packets of chrizzlebeak dust, and then got two fup balls.

He ran desperately around the room until he found one piece of plastic which was very rare in the outer dimensions. He zapped himself back and put all his ingredients into a big pot of boiling molten lava. The chrizzlebeak dust packs screamed when they went in. Chrizzlebeaks, even if they are dust, scream anytime they are near heat. He dropped in the fub balls and all the other ingredients and stirred it up as fast as he could, then put it in his freezer and the molten lava cooled until it was a pure, glowing red rock that squelched when he touched it.

He brought the formula book and the serum with him and went to the evil condos that had recently been built on the underside of the split tree dimension. Barron Freeze did a presentation and showed everyone the spell book. Everyone clapped and brought in more of the ingredients to make a larger quantity of the serum. They each brought five cauldrons of the stuff on space yachts to destroy the universe when the time was right. They got bored waiting, so they all took wooden planks from their space yachts and built a disco floor and a disco ball while they waited.

Around a week later, Barron Freeze returned to his underground laboratory. He took more blizzard serum, more black hole serum and more plasma serum and merged them together with his original mix. He zapped him his life-giving formula and the monster’s dead rock to his least favorite area: the cloudy dimension.

He walked into the main city with the bubble. The city had the bubble, not Barron Freeze. He ran in as fast as he could and tried to be unnoticed because he’s known as a criminal in every part of the universe, not just Solariun. He dove into a tunnel that led to a secret laboratory that he used when he lived in this dimension. He dumped the life-giving formula on the rock and it turned back into the creature.

He threw a giant crystal ball at one of the buildings and yelled, “GO!” and ran after the thing. It ate the crystal ball, but because of its speed it tumbled right into the building and the building melted straight down. The being was stunned because of the building incident so it didn’t try to stop and flew straight through another five buildings and as the molten metal flowed over the other buildings they melted down too due to the intense heat. Eventually, all the molten metal filled the entire glass bubble so the glass melted. It mixed together and enveloped the entire planet.

Barron Freeze commanded the creature to blast through the ground so he could take on the subterranean cities. They went through the tunnels and dove through the hole in the bottom that has always been there and always will be. If they were lucky and aimed right, then they would fall onto the roof of one of the subterranean buildings rather than falling all the way through to the jungle dimension. But before they could land, the being that was helping Barron Freeze land did something he never expected it would do: it belched.

Giant bubbles of plasma with ice swirling around them flew at the buildings and burned them down immediately and then froze the ashes. Then the creature rolled in the frozen ashes, pulverizing them with the giant spikes on his back, then accidentally biting one, getting a brain freeze, and in the process of trying to stop it melting all the ice on the frozen ashes so they were a fine black and white dust.

After seeing all this destruction, Barron Freeze remembered something. Fifty years ago, when he was five years old, experimenting in his father’s lab, he found a secret book with a formula for ultimate destruction of the universe. He threw it away and burned it up because he thought it was silly and no one would ever need to do that, but now, this fellow of fifty-five years old, figured he would now have the perfect reason to use it.

He commanded the creature to rearrange the diamonds on his back and it did, forming a saddle for Barron Freeze to ride in. They zoomed down through the jungle dimension into a subterranean jungle dimension, down, down, father, down as far as they could go until they made it to split-tree dimension. Split tree dimension was so close to the edge of the universe, which as everyone knows, has very many lightning storms, got struck down the middle with a lightning bolt which gave it the name Split Tree Dimension.

It looked like someone had carved the face of a skull into the split tree because of the unique knot holes. They dove into the tunnel in the ground until they were inside the split tree. They slowly and quietly walked over to the bed inside the split tree room where the oldest but most evil creature in the universe rested. They knocked on the wall and he woke up and said, “who goes there?”

“It is I, Master Zonn,” said Barron Freeze.

“NNHAKH” said the creature. It sounded like an Ostrich that just got stepped on during the time a duck was quacking.

Master Zonn got out of his bed and asked what they needed.

“We need a bag of Martian powder,” said Barron Freeze.

Being the only Martian left in the universe, Master Zonn was sure to have this. “How much do you desire,” asked Master Zonn.

“One cracken pound,” answered Barron Freeze.

Master Zonn, the 1/2 foot tall Martian hobbled into another room as if he was running away from an ostrich and came back very quickly with a bag of purple dust. “One cracken pound of Martian powder. Is there anything else you need?”

“I need one half cracken pound of crumbled Martian twigs.”

“I’ll go get that,” said Master Zonn as he hobbled even faster into another room and came back with a bag of crumbled up rainbow-colored twigs. “That will cost you 22 flezdrops,” said Master Zonn.

Barron Freeze reached into his pocket and gave the old Martian 22 fuzzy green balls. The old man went back to bed and Barron Freeze and his creature zoomed away to Dimension Gloom.

When they reached Dimension Gloom, they went to a small nomelish creature that was tending to a small garden next to his mushroom house. Being a very evil creature, this nomelish was sure to have what they wanted.

“Excuse me sir,” said Barron Freeze, “but can I have two gork-pounds of skull dust?”

“What kind of skull dust?” asked the nomelish creature that sounded like a distressed duck crossed with an ostrich.

“Grizzle dust, please” Barron Freeze answered.

“Two gork-pounds of grizzle dust, coming up.” THe nomelish creature came out with two bleached-white skulls with a whole bunch of ball-like things on the back side and above the eyes. The nomelish creature brought out a sledge hammer and slammed them down until they turned into a fine, whitish, greenish dust which he swept into two bags. “Two gork-pounds of grizzle skull dust,” said the nomelish creature.

“Thank-you,” said Barron Freeze, “I better be going now.” He jumped onto his being and flew out to a small strange planet full of one of the weirdest aliens in the universe. A small planet, third from the star-sun Sol. A small planet called Earth.

He flew into a small place near Roswell, New Mexico- a small place called Area 51 by many. He blasted through the roof of a secret underground base and everyone started running in circles yelling, “Alien, Alien!!! We have too many already!! Alien!!”

“Do not be alarmed. I am Barron Freeze of Solariun. I come in peace. . . ish.”

“What is it you want??” screamed the commanding officer.

“I need one Scrazian tooth and three Scrazian jellydrops.”

“Which aliens are the Scrazians? We just identify them by numbers.”

“Those.” Barron Freeze pointed over to a corner with three glass vials holding three ten-foot tall skinny brownish greenish aliens with multi-colored jelly-like drops all over them and three teeth on the tops and bottoms of their mouths. The general led him over there and took one of the teeth they were using for testing and one of the jellydrops and gave it to him.

“I said THREE jellydrops,” said Barron Freeze. Barron Freeze quickly pumped energy into his creature and it got bigger and bigger and meaner looking. It started snarling, which sounded now more like an ostrich using a microphone. The General gave him two more jellydrops and hid under the table. Then it happened.

The three Scrazians blasted out of their cages and everyone tumbled backwards due to the extreme force. Barron Freeze’s creature caught most of the blast in his wings, but because of that it blasted him backwards directly towards Solairun where he left a big crater on Barron Freeze’s lawn. They quickly went inside before anyone noticed and Barron Freeze gave his creature the death-giving formula and put his rock in a cage.

Because Barron Freeze had eaten some of the white hole formula, he wasn’t affected by anything the black hole serum did. He pulled all the clocks out and time restarted. He doused the clocks in white hole serum and put them back up on the walls, and then he pulled Barron Sol out of the white hole serum and put him back in his bed.

The Barron began experimenting with other serums that he could transform into dangerous creatures. He made more of the black hole serum and dumped white hole serum on it until it turned into plasma serum. He poured it on the water and it superheated until it turned into a floating orb of ball lightning. He used the blizzard serum on it and then poured the merger serum onto it. He used a magical power that he had learned to use many years ago and summoned it up. It followed him down into a secret laboratory and he used the life-giving serum on it.

It turned into what looked like a dragon with no legs, because it wasn’t going to be landing. It was glowing green and red and brown and yellow and all sorts of colors mixed together at the same time. It propelled itself through the air without flapping its wings- it’s tail was made out of a blizzard which spun around and around and around and propelled it through the air. Its head was so aerodynamic, if Barron Freeze told it to go through the wall it would dive straight through the wall in such a clean dive that it would just slice through the wall as if it were slicing through the water in the most perfect swan dive in the world.

He told it to do just that- to dive through the wall, and what he saw was amazing. It was the living plasma dove through the wall and he discovered that it not only made a clean slice through the wall because it was aerodynamic, but because it was extremely dense. It was so dense that it could fly through the wall as if the wall were air. Because Barron Freeze was protected from it because he created it, he wasn’t affected by its extreme density or its low radiation. It was starting to pull all sorts of things in the room towards it. Beakers melted, evaporated and turned into more plasma when they touched it. The things were getting sucked towards it because of its gravity. It was so dense, its gravity was immense. It could have sucked up all of Solariun, which was exactly what it did.

Solariun was big enough not to get sucked in but the ground started spinning which meant Solariun was orbiting around the being. Barron Freeze quickly killed it and turned it into a solid before it did anything else bad. He took the blizzard formula and poured it on the water and then he dumped the rest of the life-giving formula on it. It swirled up into the blizzard creature. The blizzard creature was immense. It was swirling- pieces of water rose up to it and froze, turning it into a creature made of ice. All of it was made of ice except its eyes, tail and shoulders.

Its eyes swirled and blasted snowstorms when Barron Freeze told it to. Its shoulders were shaped like turbines and blasted the blizzards behind him, propelling him through the air. Its tail helped with that. The tip of the tail was shaped like three turbines put together. It’s tail was spinning around and around and so were the turbines which blasted it even faster through the air. It snarled, which sounded a lot like ice cracking and a lion roaring at the same time.

Barron Freeze commanded the blizzard creature to become more powerful and his back cracked open and three sharp fins popped out. It hunched over like a floating hunchback, it’s turbines on its shoulders and tails got three times as big, its tail got longer and broader, and it grew a third eye which blasted a stream of ice at the water. The stream of ice made a column straight down through the water to the ocean bottom and all the way back up. The creature blasted toward the window and then shrunk into an ice cube so it could go through the window then it blasted down into the secret laboratory where Barron Freeze told it to stop.

Barron Freeze brought the black hole creature and the plasma creature back to life and then dumped the merger formula on all three of the creatures. They turned into a swirling blizzard except instead of normal ice and snow it was bits of plasma and spaghettified ice swirling around to form the tail of the beast. Its head was aerodynamic like the plasma creature but had a swirling, spaghettified wood and stone nose that was spinning around like the blizzard and formed a drill. Its eyes were cold and steely. The pupils were pure black- blacker that black- more black than black would ever know. The rest of its eyes were cold steely gray and swirling around.

It had a large spiky mane running down its neck made out of spaghettified black stone. Its body had arms coming out of it- one made of pure ice, the other made of pure heat. Both its legs were made out of swirling plasma blizzards and its body was made out of stone, except this stone was like no other stone we had seen before. It was extremely white and shiny- it was quartz with specks of diamonds growing out in spikes.

The creature snarled, which sounded like someone would imagine a recording of a ray gun being shot while someone was pressing the echo pedal so it echoed in a steely gray cold way. Barron Freeze put it in a cage and dumped the death-giving formula on it, turning it into a freezing cold lump of stringy plasma that he would bring to life when he needed. He laughed mischieviously and left, leaving the cold stringy plasma alone.